aura-chic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ahhhhh two whole days off spent working.. (house work that is) I'm back... like I went anywhere... but I realized that working, and being completely exhausted, then driving for almost two hours after working, (at midnight) can definitely be a bit much for a booty call... no lie.. we were both just about too tired to do anything.. we felt all old.. wait he is.. lol j/k.. and yes we were laughin at ourselves.. I think the worst part about it was I had to drive back home.. THEN try to catch a few hours of sleep so I could go BACK to work.. man.. I was like the fuckin walking dead up in that fuckin office.. I was staring blankly into the computer screen in front of me..wondering what the fuck was wrong with me, and reminding myself that no dick was worth being that tired.. no matter how good it is... ok.. so that's a damn lie.. he's worth it... just the same way he feels about getting.. oh wait.. that's not for this diary.. that's for my OTHER diary.. speaking of I should prolly update it... maybe leave out the whole tired part.. lmao...that's not sexy.. hahaha well... supposedly he hasn't been with anyone else but me.. but I'm having a hard time believing that shit.. I don't know why.. it's like.. I told him I didn't believe him.. and then he kinda got all defensive.. and the way he is.. you can tell when he's bullshitting you... and why would he even lie to me? I'm so fuckin confused.. he knows that I don't really care if he's fuckin someone else.. the way I see it.. get it when you can.. I ain't stressin it.. as long as he uses protection... keeps me safe and shit.. why do I care? I don't... really.. what bothers me is being lied to. I don't have to know WHO it is... just that it is happening.. you know? And I have my reasons... I've always been very cautious when it comes to sex.. and it's kept me free of a lot of things.. I've always used protection.... no matter what. And I prefer to have "partners" who I know well.. why am I even talking about this... all I wanted to say was.. if he was sleeping with someone else I'd like to know.. I'm nosy like that.. but don't I have a right to be? am I not sharing the most personal, important part of my body with this person??? I mean really.. well anyway.. and he's not moving.. not just yet anyway.. so I still have him for a while.. I still haven't thought of a way to tell him how I really feel... and I'm wondering if I really feel that way... I say that I love him... but if I really did.. wouldn't I be jealous and angry if I suspected that he was fuckin around? wouldn't I care? would someone help me out with this? is that normal? to not be jealous or angry about something like that if you really love the person? I've got people telling me that I should tell him how I really feel.. but don't you think it should be obvious? I've fought him every step of the way about his moving.. and I know I fucked up already.. like he gave me the opportunity to tell him that I love him.. we were talking and he was going on and on about his move and I of course said.. don't go. and he got quiet and said why? and I tried to say it.. this is what I did... "because I lllll miss you.. that word just got stuck.. so I covered my ass and made it sound like I meant to drag that I'll out.. lol.. I'm so fuckin pathetic.. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME.. this is what happens... I let emotions creep back into me.. slowly but surely.. now they're fuckin up my life.. those bastards.. I was so much happier being a bitch.. now I have all this mushy female shit goin on.. sorry for that fucked up rant... onto a different subject.. my sister and I spent the weekend cleaning house, and preparing for the arrival of her friend who is coming down from Maine. I painted the guest bedroom, and the kitchen cabinets, and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, and straightened up.. while she did yardwork, and other housework... and let me tell you.. I am wore out.. I'm so fuckin tired right now I can't see straight.. I should be sleeping as I type this.. but noooooo I had to get online.. like the idiot I am.. lol.. hahaha.. I am driving to Raleigh tomorrow to take my sis to pick her friend up.. I volunteered to drive because I know Raleigh well, seeing as I lived there forever, and it is easier for me to just drive than to navigate.. I get irritated when I have to give directions.. I don't know why.. so.. I will drive.. keeps me in control.. it's the one thing in my life that I have control over.. haha.. I'm such a freak.. and I think she will freak out once she hits that airport traffic.. where traffic doesn't bother me.. it's like second nature for me to drive in bumper to bumper traffic.. I did it everyday in 5 o'clock traffic going to work. Well I think that's all the update I have for right now.. and long and boring it was.. see you guys haven't missed much.. well I must be getting some sleep now.. 3:09 a.m. - 2003-08-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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