aura-chic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm alright.. systems back to normal.. sorry for previous rant.. ok.. so i totally flipped out in my last entry.. if you haven't read it.. you might not want to.. really.. and the last entry was only an hour ago.. but i'm much calmer now.. dishes and a couple of cups of coffee spiked with bailey's irish cream of course, helped tremendously..i've come to the conclusion that it must be hormones.. it has to be.. there is just no other explanation for it.. i mean.. i play by the rules that i set.. and when i can't i end it.. and i'm NOT about to end this.. no chance in hell.. so i just have to play by the rules set by me.. the only other time that there has been a breach of the rules was with my best friends current fiance.. we had been seeing each other.. and i started to fall in love with him... so what did i do. i broke it all off.. only for him to tear up and say, why? and i told him.. and he said.. i'll never forget it.. but i love you. it was at that point that i got in my car and left.. all upset.. of course it wasn't even my car.. it was my ex fiance's car.. i was working on it for him when the other guy met me.. that was part of the reason i think i freaked out.. you can just picture it i'm sure.. the ex wanted me back.. i sorta wanted him back.. and then this guy confesses that he feels the same way about me that i feel about him.. yeah i freaked out.. it was a BIG mistake too.. hence all the tension between the three of us.. i'm gonna have a hard time being a bridesmaid watching my best friend marry the guy i should be marrying.. but oh well.. i will live.. i'm content to live out my youth with booty calls and grow into a lonely cranky old woman... one with a serious relationship with the ol Mr. Jose Cuervo.. i'll be lockin lips with him everynight i'm sure... hell probably all day too.. whatever. who cares right? right? it shouldn't bother me.. but lately it keeps me up at night.. the real question is do i fight it, or just let it be??? sorry if i have bored everyone to tears.. i'm gonna have to find something amusing to start writing about.. i can see you all running the other way... or some of you just backing slowly away from the computer screen.. LOL... afraid to make any sudden moves.. well my advice.. RUN!!! LOL. don't worry.. no more melt downs in the vicinity.. i think.. shit maybe it wasn't hormones.. maybe it was the lack of alcohol in my system.. because everything has returned to normal as far as i can tell.. hell as normal as i get anyway. no headache either.. hmmmm... interesting, very interesting.. maybe all that shit is true about being addicted to stuff.. well anyway i must go... 1:12 a.m. - 2003-03-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||