aura-chic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- songs, memories, and betrayal... so here i am sitting here listening to a song by unwritten law, that i love, but i forgot i loved it.. make any sense? probably not.. but when did i ever make sense? ok that's what i thought.. the only thing is it's slightly depressing.. well to me anyway.. it reminds me of certain events in my life... happy and sad times. you know the ending of an almost 5 year relationship as in a month before our 5th anniversary, having my own place.. and the realization that i prefer to be alone, getting rid of my ex roommate the prostitute.. the cop told me she got arrested recently!! haha.. and apparently she had to call her "boss" to bail her out.. because i wasn't there to do it anymore. haha. anyway, back to me.. that's what this is all about.. ME!!! haha.. when i first bought this cd. they were a completely unknown band.. (i had this thing where once a week, i would buy a cd of a little known band, and rate them, this is what i did for a radio station in raleigh) and loved it.. and so i kept the cd and listened to it often, but this one song, seemed to oh i don't know how to describe it. so anyway listening to this song has brought back a lot of memories.. mainly of my ex.. you know the one that got buck nekkid and wrassled with his guy friends... now.. when we first got together we were SO happy. and that lasted for atleast the first 2 or 3 years.. but eventually i began to feel suffocated, and lonely all at the same time. i felt like i wasn't important to him anymore, yet he seemed to take up all of my time. i basically couldn't do anything but work and be with him. and he didn't like any of my friends.. i finally got my own apartment, and he would come over a few nights a week, and he hated all of my friends.. we had a birthday party at a bar for one of them.. and he joined us and he wouldn't let me talk to any of them, and he wouldn't join the fun.. i was sooooo incredibly pissed off.. but that's just an example there were plenty of other things. but me on the other hand, his friends were always around, as a matter of fact when we lived together the other two roommates were his best friends.. and all of our social life revolved around his group of friends.. most of them i liked.. especially his best friend.. we meaning me and the friend, caused a lot of problems in my relationship with him.. ok.. so let me just freakin use names so you won't be confused.. ok the ex is Ryan, the friend was Lee.. well me and Ryan were having some problems and we split up for about a week, when we weren't living together, and me and Lee ran into each other one night and ended up at his house, there was a lot of alcohol involved, and we started messing around.. but we kinda came to our senses before it went TOO far. i guess you could say it went pretty far, as in if it hadn't been for the alcohol impairing certain things, it would have been a done deal. I felt so bad.. and so did Lee. we woke up the next morning to the phone ringing, it was Ryan. He was calling Lee because he couldn't find me. he wanted to talk.. i was hungover, and still feeling hurt from the break up.. and now add on almost sleeping with his best friend.. it was like the worst betrayal i could have possibly have come up with.. i felt like such a bitch.. SOOOO what did Lee do? what any sane male would do.. "I haven't seen her since last night" which i guess would be true, since he wasn't wearing his glasses.. and the fool is blind without em.. i was having a hard time stifling my laughter, that was of course until i realized that Ryan was calling from MY cell phone that i had left in his car, and he was on his way to Lee's house.. as in on the road Lee lives on.. SHIT!!!! we had to think of a way to get me out of there.. so i flew out of the house.. half dressed carrying all my crap got in the car and drove down the little side street by his house to wait til ryan got there and went in the house.. it worked for the time being.. but when i met Ryan for lunch, he said that he wanted to work things out. I had a decision to make there.. I wanted to work things out. but i had to be honest. so i told him what happened.. and he said.. I know.. I saw you two last night leaving the bar, and i followed you.. but i left.. Lee told me this morning.. and he thanked me for being honest.. but shit.. i still felt like an ass... oh.. yeah.. i was talking about how i was always required to be in his presence.. i am into sports and shit. so we would get together for all kinds of things.. but i really began to get annoyed when i was know as the "beer wench" haha.. well, i am babbling now.. but y'all don't you think that is fucked up about me and his friend? and though i do blame a lot on him, mainly because he is a controlling, moody, rude, cynical bastard, but, I still think i'm a bitch for that. but i will say this.. I was not the one that initiated the whole sex thing with Lee. but, I did respond in kind.. so i guess i'm just as much to blame.. what do y'all think? hmmm maybe i don't want to know that.. LOL.. 2:05 p.m. - 2003-03-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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