aura-chic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm back well everyone, i am back from raleigh.. i DID NOT party as planned... i had originally decided to wait the weather out and see how the roads were lookin..but i called my uncle yesterday, and when i did that he informed me that my brother was goin in for heart surgery... so needless to say i hauled ass up to raleigh, i got there just as he was going in for the surgery, i couldn't find any of the family in the waiting room so i managed to run in to a very kind surgeon in the hall way, and he took me back to pre op where my brother was...and man did he look awful, i didn't even recognize him... he was completely gray... he literally looked like ashes. see he was born with a heart murmur, and they found out a few years ago that it was caused by a valve that wasn't functioning properly, and it wasn't allowing the blood to flow to his body the way it needs to..and up until the last few years, his heart had managed to work overtime pretty much to keep the blood going, but the valve calcified, (hardened) and completely shut down... so he basically couldn't even say more than 3 words without having to stop for 10 minutes just to breathe, and he's only 36 by the way.... anyway, as soon as i saw him i started cryin... i felt so awful, we hadn't seen each other in a little over a year mainly because our father is a prick and the 4 of us (2 sons 2 daughters, not ncrebel..she and i have the same mom...long story) pretty much hate him, and because of that, we don't communicate often... well me and this brother did up until a while ago, anyway, i'm getting side tracked again. well i stood there and cried for a minute and the surgeon that brought me in gave me a tissue, and i composed myself enough to go hold his hand and tell him i loved him, he was pretty well out of it already so i don't know if he heard me... so i go back to the hallway outside the waiting room, and i see the other brother walk by...so i called out to him, he didn't hear me, so i followed him, and then met up with the rest of the family... i had been looking for my sister in law and my 2 nephews, but apparently my father had taken them out to lunch, and my sister in law had her head down, and that's why i didn't see her... man, she looked about as gray as my brother, she obviously hadn't slept, and she was worried sick, so i told her that he was goin in at that point and they had let me see him... that made her feel better... so she and i took a walk around the hospital... it was good to see her again... so i spent the whole day there at the hospital minus the time i had to go find a place to stay there in raleigh for the night... my sister in law had said i could stay with them at her house, but she already had a full house, and i didn't want to add to the pressure on her... so i stayed with my friend megan..the one who is marrying my ex... we had a good time until my ex/her fiance came home from work and they started fighting...i jes went outside at that point...but back to my brother... he came thru surgery perfectly..so we all trekked back there to see him as he was passed out... and amazingly enough he already had normal coloring.. and tho he was "swollen" from the surgery he looked normal because he had lost so much weight before hand... i went back this morning, for the first visit of the day, and he was already himself again...talkin my ear off..which i loved... i tried so hard not to cry, cuz i didn't want to upset him... but it felt so good to talk to him again, even if he was in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of everywhere... and he of course had to make me aware of all of them... he let go of my hand and proceeded to say "look at all this shit" as he pulled the covers off of himself... i was like no please that's really more of you than i needed to see... even the nurse was laughing... i'm sorry if this is depressing to y'all, but i need to talk about it... so skip on down to the next paragraph if you want to... so the nurse is coming over to him with a syringe, and he looks at her and says, what is that, if it's a shot i'm throwing her in the way.... but no, it was just anti biotics to go in his iv... but that's my brother for ya...and i will say this his wife looked soooooooooo much better this morning herself... she had finally gotten some sleep, and was feeling so much more optimistic about his recovery... so she was also back to herself... i have always liked her very much... i think it's funny, they have been married for about 15 years now, and they only dated for 6 months before marrying, and my father and a few others kept saying they would never last, but it's very obvious to me how much they love each other, and my father's one to talk boy, mr. i've been married 7 times... dumbass... i know this isn't very funny, i just have to express some way how relieved i am about this, and in some way i am sad that it took this to get us together again... it was like a family reunion up in the icu waiting room... so i finally got the current number and address for them and i plan on seeing and talking to them a lot more... i feel a strong need to build a constant relationship with my siblings...not just a "on holidays" thing... because he is alive and kicking now, but he won't always be...the same with me, and my sister, and the rest of my family that i love... and you know your siblings are your strongest link to your past and your future... i find that to be true... you know when your loved ones, like parents, begin to pass on, you will so desperately need your siblings for support... sorry y'all i'm having a seriously deep thought thing going on... it did feel good to see my brother again, i had been missing him for a while... i just wish it hadn't taken this to get me to him... it didn't feel so good to see my father again...i hadn't seen him in over 2 years and i prefer to keep it that way...but i played peace keeper and kept him and the other brother from havin an "i hate you, no i hate you more" feud in the waiting room... because though i feel the same way he does, debbie (sister in law) didn't need that at that precise moment, she was under enough strain... oooo, i forgot to mention that she had spent the night in the room with my brother the night before surgery and they couldn't find her a cot to sleep on, so she had put a few chairs together (she's short so it didn't take much) and the chairs kept sliding apart so she kept fallin on the floor, so my brother was like why don't you just sleep on the bed with me, she said no, and he kept arguing with her over it, so she finally agreed just to shut him up, we can be persistent like that, and it took some manuvering but they managed but he got restless while sleepin so she got up, and once again that started the arguing, so she gets back on the bed and as they are adjusting and getting situated again, the 60 yr old nurse comes in to check his blood pressure, and thought they were making out...haaaaaa, they heard her out there telling the other nurse, and they both pretty much collapsed into a giggle fit, not good for him, but debbie was like damn these women think i'm tryin to kill my husband now... and then of course when my brother woke up today his mom said she was gonna leave him and debbie alone so they could have sex...and you could just see his heart rate go up... so debbie was like. we already did...he was like WE DID??? i don't remember... she said yeah it was the most amazing.... you get the picture.... it was pretty damn funny...poor guy... ok enough about that...... well i spent the night with megan as i stated earlier... well it was 85 degrees in that damn apartment, and i do mean that... i was settling down on the couch, sweatin to death, and an hour later megan comes out of their room and gives me a blanket sayin she forgot to give me one, just in case i get cold, she then goes back to bed... i opened the window and stuck my head outside, i was dyin... well i finally fall asleep, and i hear the ex, her fiance come out into the livingroom...she had kicked him outta the bed... he snores incredibly loud, and he lays down on the floor, and begins to snore, i jumped up at that point, skurred tha shit outta me...sounds like some sorta loud engine, ya know the ones with NO muffler... well anyway he was like I'M SO SORRY, seeing as he snores when he's awake, he just has to be laying down... not sleeping...i was like it's cool remember it doesn't bother me that much... he was like yeah, i remember... and i told him to sleep on the big couch i would take the little one... so we did that, and i passed out again... i just felt awkward... you know...sleeping in the same room as him again... specially with my best friend being the girl he's gonna marry, i dunno...it was weird... and trust me i didn't touch him, i wouldn't do that to her... the girl is like family to me... well now that i have completely bored and depressed the shit outta y'all i'm gonna go get some yummy diet soda and watch some tv.... um, it's fun to be lazy... 5:46 p.m. - 2003-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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